So I’m four days out from driving my one and only kiddo to his new home at college. And this dad is struggling with the idea. Not because I think it’s a bad idea. It most definitely is a great one. He, like everyone who lives a pretty sheltered existence, absolutely needs to get out of his itty bitty isolated town. Not necessarily forever, but at least to taste as broad an experience of people and the world as he can. And I’m super excited for him to have that!
But I’m also super sad to see him go. Sure, it’s only 5 hours away. Sure, we can call or text anytime. Sure, he can do the same. But it’s not like he will be just down the stairs. Or just in town hanging out with his friends.
Did I do enough for him? Did I tell him I loved him as often as he needed it? Because I didn’t say it as often as I felt it. Because, I man. Ridiculous.
And is he ready? (of course not. no one really is.) Will the world eat him up? I just want him safe and secure. But a well-lived life isn’t going to be always safe and secure.
And then there’s the existential ‘what the hell am I, now?’ His arrival into my life nineteen years ago altered me in such a way that I can’t even really remember who I was before. Certainly not who I will be after we drop him off. But also, neither will I be quite who I am today.
Miss you already… and, of course, love you always Toby! 🥲